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Sorry, but . . .
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Sometimes I wonder how I got to where I am. Like, what or who would I be if I were a different person or even if I had gone right instead of left, if I had been friends with the right person.
When I was very young I wanted to be an actress. With an almost ferocious desperation for it. I liked the attention, I liked to pretend to be other people, and it looked like a lot of fun. Years later after developing an almost debilitating stage fright and realized that I didn't really have a knack for it, I gave up the dream. It still bothers me a little that I gave up on it, because I see actors everyday, and I want to be doing what there doing, but I still tell myself I can't.
I love my job. I really do. I'm living the Hollywood dream, I get to go to a freaking movie set, every day. I meet directors, and camera guys, and stuntmen, and I've seen cars get blown up and I get to go to premiere parties and get to drunkenly tell Summer Glau she's amazingly beautiful. This is stuff I get to do everyday (except the parties.)
But sometimes I miss just being a fan. Looking and a show and following it all with a glossy outline over everything, thinking everything was bigger then it is. Not knowing that it's all just people at the end of the day, doing jobs, many of them frustrating jobs that are annoying in there own right. Back when I watched something and wasn't aware of camera placement, of now may setups are going into a shot that I see. When I couldn't see the set dressing or know that the blood on a shirt was on there before the actor put it on. Hell, before I knew that like in every workplace everywhere, there are people who love to work with each other and there a people who hate each other and there re people who you don't know but pretend you do because my god you see them everyday but they aren't in your department and for the life of you, you can't remember if you've ever met before now.
I am sad that may awesome job has become just that. A job. And I have an 8 am call tomorrow that I don't really want to go to because I have a lot of stuff to get done tomorrow.
And damnit, I still want to be and actress.
When I was very young I wanted to be an actress. With an almost ferocious desperation for it. I liked the attention, I liked to pretend to be other people, and it looked like a lot of fun. Years later after developing an almost debilitating stage fright and realized that I didn't really have a knack for it, I gave up the dream. It still bothers me a little that I gave up on it, because I see actors everyday, and I want to be doing what there doing, but I still tell myself I can't.
I love my job. I really do. I'm living the Hollywood dream, I get to go to a freaking movie set, every day. I meet directors, and camera guys, and stuntmen, and I've seen cars get blown up and I get to go to premiere parties and get to drunkenly tell Summer Glau she's amazingly beautiful. This is stuff I get to do everyday (except the parties.)
But sometimes I miss just being a fan. Looking and a show and following it all with a glossy outline over everything, thinking everything was bigger then it is. Not knowing that it's all just people at the end of the day, doing jobs, many of them frustrating jobs that are annoying in there own right. Back when I watched something and wasn't aware of camera placement, of now may setups are going into a shot that I see. When I couldn't see the set dressing or know that the blood on a shirt was on there before the actor put it on. Hell, before I knew that like in every workplace everywhere, there are people who love to work with each other and there a people who hate each other and there re people who you don't know but pretend you do because my god you see them everyday but they aren't in your department and for the life of you, you can't remember if you've ever met before now.
I am sad that may awesome job has become just that. A job. And I have an 8 am call tomorrow that I don't really want to go to because I have a lot of stuff to get done tomorrow.
And damnit, I still want to be and actress.
o, OMG! Hi!
I pretty much doubt that anyone is still reading this at this time. But I've decided to open up this journal again. Mostly because I've been told I need an outlet for all this pent up "BLLAAARGH!" that I tend to call around to everyone, and it's starting to annoy people. (Mostly because I have the emotional maturity of a kitten getting distracted by a ball of string, it's not pretty.)
So It's been about a year since anyone knew what I was up to. It's been a crazy year. Since Heroes wrapped sometime last ummm. . . February(?) I duuno . . . I have been on 4 different shows. The Event pilot, Tilda pilot, Outlaw, and now I am currently on The Cape. I just can't seem to stop working for NBC, which is kinda sad really when you think about it. I won't even go into what shows I've been keeping up on because my television watching is kinda ridiculous, but ironically it's all done while on the move. I watch everything online because I'm never home to watch it. So I watch an episode during a break at work, I watch one at the gym, I watch one while hanging out at other places. It all gets rather confusing.
My current obsession at the moment is Merlin, and boy am I late to that party.
That's about it. The world continues to turn for me, I look for fic, I go to work and I am hang out with my boyfriend who doesn't understand why I have to work and not hang out with him all day. At some point I will probably write one of these at work and give everyone an interesting view into how a Production Office is run, because it is NEVER how anyone thinks it does. :)
I pretty much doubt that anyone is still reading this at this time. But I've decided to open up this journal again. Mostly because I've been told I need an outlet for all this pent up "BLLAAARGH!" that I tend to call around to everyone, and it's starting to annoy people. (Mostly because I have the emotional maturity of a kitten getting distracted by a ball of string, it's not pretty.)
So It's been about a year since anyone knew what I was up to. It's been a crazy year. Since Heroes wrapped sometime last ummm. . . February(?) I duuno . . . I have been on 4 different shows. The Event pilot, Tilda pilot, Outlaw, and now I am currently on The Cape. I just can't seem to stop working for NBC, which is kinda sad really when you think about it. I won't even go into what shows I've been keeping up on because my television watching is kinda ridiculous, but ironically it's all done while on the move. I watch everything online because I'm never home to watch it. So I watch an episode during a break at work, I watch one at the gym, I watch one while hanging out at other places. It all gets rather confusing.
My current obsession at the moment is Merlin, and boy am I late to that party.
That's about it. The world continues to turn for me, I look for fic, I go to work and I am hang out with my boyfriend who doesn't understand why I have to work and not hang out with him all day. At some point I will probably write one of these at work and give everyone an interesting view into how a Production Office is run, because it is NEVER how anyone thinks it does. :)
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Okay, so the indie film collapsed under my feet, but thankfully it was not do to anything I did. So I'm jobless again.
But thankfully I'm going to an interview in the next hour that may prove to be a better gig if I get it.
Here's hoping. Cross your fingers for me folks!
Man, you all must be sick of my whining about work, perhaps next post I shall write some trek fic to amuse the masses. :)
But thankfully I'm going to an interview in the next hour that may prove to be a better gig if I get it.
Here's hoping. Cross your fingers for me folks!
Man, you all must be sick of my whining about work, perhaps next post I shall write some trek fic to amuse the masses. :)
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I finally got my Dreamwidth account to work! Horray!
Now to make this all look nice. i do love the fact that if I post here I post to LJ!
Now I have to make myself be all interesting again.
:(
OKay, back to binge watching Star Trek Next Gen again!
Now to make this all look nice. i do love the fact that if I post here I post to LJ!
Now I have to make myself be all interesting again.
:(
OKay, back to binge watching Star Trek Next Gen again!
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